1 Year of "suchwita": reflections on art by yoongi (+ me)
conversations with alcohol, conversations with art
"The only way we can travel back into our memories for a brief moment like a time machine is through music. So keep doing it for a long, long time.”
— Shin Dong-yeop, Suchwita Episode 2
Two of my core memories from 2023 (aside from dealing with night terrors and feeling lost) was the writing paralysis that I felt throughout—from which I’m slowly recovering—and a tiny little nook on the internet, called ‘Suchwita’. Started by Yoongi (aka BTS’ Suga) in November-December of 2022, it quickly turned into a zone of comfort for me: back then, the me who couldn’t hold a pen out of fear held the show close to my soul, listening rapidly and wide-eyed as Yoongi spoke with his guests on their art, lives and the question of their selves (in his words: “what does the person [insert guest name] want?”). As we cross one whole year of the show—27 episodes, and 15 months—I’m taking this little diary of mine (unwritten for a year) to reflect on what art, music, and poetry mean to Yoongi, and what it means to love the creative experience.
From the time I’ve known him, Yoongi’s engagement with his art has been critical—his albums preserve the vitality of the ways he speaks of art. ‘Suchwita’ is an ode to artistry: Yoongi’s voice, calm and constant, guides us through the stream of art and the ways in which creativity manifests. In episode 27 with El Capitxn, he says:
“Anyone can make music, but being able to just sit and say ‘okay, I can do it. I can make something and show it to you.’ The ability to sit for a long time is a talent.” — Min Yoongi, ‘Suchwita’ episode 27
“If you think you’re gonna crash / then accelerate even harder, idiot.” — BTS, ‘Intro: Never Mind’
Yoongi, constantly, encourages me to try. Last year, I was afraid to write: a paralyzing fear constant in my fingers. Looking at the Google Docs filled with my words made my chest constrict, my head swirl. Writers in my friends seemed to move faster than lightning; I could never catch their coattails, their wings blazing, leaving me soot-bathed, and terrified. I was afraid of my own art (like El Capitxn who said “I cannot bring myself to look up clips of myself singing live as a singer […] because I was always trembling in fear.”). The fear stunted me—it puzzled me, as a person who’s lived and breathed writing. I didn’t know what to do when words evaded me, but I didn’t know what to do when the words were there but I was too anxious to ever pen them down. Most poems from last year are yet to be written, staying stubbornly inside my brain—living and dying and coming back to life.
Which is where Suchwita comes in.
“The path I’ve walked may have looked like a flower path / But know that it was a thorny one, with enemies surrounding on all sides / I hope you never forget those who throw flowers onto your path for you.”
— Agust D, ‘Snooze’ (ft. Ryuichi Sakamoto & WOOSUNG from The Rose)
“I even asked you once: ‘Hyung, why are you so good to us?’ I asked because I was curious. And he said, ‘who’d tell you these things if we don’t?’”
Throughout his conversations with younger artists, Yoongi constantly speaks about his status as a role model within the Korean pop music scene: the way he treats the younger artists is tender, advising and continually talking of the ways he’s experienced his artistry. Namjoon, in episode 1, regards Yoongi as a point of knowledge (even if that’s in the context of ‘useless’ trivia)—which he constantly proves through his engagement with budding artists of his company. Even in his conversations with older artists and people senior to him in the entertainment industry, he showcases a wiser, more introspective aspect to him. Yoongi is, to people both younger and older, an ‘idol’, an ‘artist’, and to me, a ‘person’ that turns me into ‘love’.
Dream, I hope it to be there with you at your creation and at the end of your life / Dream, I hope it to be generous to you wherever you stand / Dream, I hope it to be in full bloom eventually at the end of hardships / Dream, the beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will the future be.”
Yoongi has been one of my saving presences in my tiny life as a writer. I’ve caught myself listening in rapt attention to what he’s saying. His emphasis on rest as crucial and important to the way an artist functions is something I hold close to myself. I treasure especially what he mentions to Hoshi in episode 4:
“Up until six months ago, I booked all these lessons like crazy. It was like an obsession. I’d take classes for over ten hours a day [….] I met someone a while ago and talked to them about the exact same thing. He said to me, ‘when you get back together, why do you think it’d be different?’”
Like Yoongi, this is something I’d had to reckon with. I was stressed about moving faster than anyone else—the first to be this, the first to do that. As the eldest kid, being schooled into a culture of excellence meant that I had to sacrifice rest. And last year, like Yoongi, I relearnt what it was like to truly rest: I reconnected with books I loved, movies I loved. I tried writing, bit by bit, for the things I loved. I realized I wasn’t in love with my life, and I relearnt trying to love life with the people I adore. Like Yoongi, I relearnt what it is like to be an artist, a creative, a writer—and I fell in love all over again.
“For me, I didn’t start out wanting to be a singer or a celebrity. I started out writing songs. I always carry my equipment […] When BTS inevitably has to take a break, I need to build something of my own […] But also, I did it (songwriting) because it was fun.”
To me, ‘Suchwita’ has become my nook to explore my own creativity. Yoongi, through his own reflections on art, made me engage with what the artist, the writer in me wants—I stopped publishing, stopped thinking of mediocrity, stopped everything else and solely focused on my love for my creativity. I wrote for things I found were fun, that gave my brain the itch it wanted. And while the fears that plagued me are still present—I know that the most important thing for an artist is like the title of Oscar Wilde’s play: the ‘Importance of Being Earnest’.
And I bet, somewhere under a maple tree, in a cafe, with a glass of cold, icy whisky, that Yoongi agrees.
Hello!! This is my tribute to Yoongi on his birthday. I’ve been wanting to write on ‘Suchwita’ for a while, this being merely a fraction of my thoughts. I could write entire essays on each conversation.
For now though, thank you for reading—and I hope to see you more often.
this is incredible. your writing never ceases to blow my mind. Thank you 💗
oh i love this sm, thank you for sharing <3